On The Road With Ramona: tradition

Showing posts with label tradition. Show all posts

Another day begins in Mumbai. I have much too much going on. In my life, in my heart, in my head, with work etc. We all do I guess. As Sapna, Harrish and I make our way to a place I've never even heard of in my city, our rickshaw explodes with political talk, India, the possibility vs the reality of change and solutions. All that chattering comes to a halt as we reach our destination and find a smiling Dipesh awaiting us.

The four of us started walking through the chawl. This place has Muslims and Hindus living together in peace side by side. I started looking around and it took me back to a different life, in a different era. Kids playing together outside, every huts doors wide open, roosters running around, everyone keeping the area clean and plain happy faces all around. I dressed very simply as I did not want to stand out or seem different, but I guess all of us just didn't look like we were from there, so the novelty factor got everyones attention as we passed them by. Smiling eyes peeked from windows, happy shop keepers waved and excited children led us to the exact place we had to go to. Just then I saw a coal iron - it was so beautiful. I asked if I could take a picture, the lady who was ironing was more than happy to let me and posed even with a big smile. The other girls around her chuckled and hid behind the curtain. Once I finished clicking, they were all more than eager to speak to me and tell me how this is the best iron for clothes.

We then proceeded to 'The HIJRA Community Centre' at Char Chowghi. We were welcomed by Gauri Sawant, a woman who is witty, charming, hilarious, motivated, inspiring, strong and she shed so much light upon us. Appropriate considering it's Diwali! We greeted the Guru Ma, sat on the floor with a few more women and the talks started. We were offered so much to eat and drink, it was heart warming. Initially we politely declined. We were asked to answer with a simple yes or no. Gauri asked 'If I came to your house would you accept me not even having a glass of water or tea? Would you let me leave just like that?' Our 'buts' started and she thundered 'just answer with a yes or a no - it's that simple'. We smiled and indulged in their hospitality. Growing up in India, having a 'proper' education, it's amazing how we are still so unaware of our own people and their ways of life.

There is a difference between a transgender and a Hijra. A Hijra is a part of a community - like a sufi Community or Parsi community. No one just becomes a Hijra just like that. They have Guru Ma's, they are each others solace, friends and family. If you see one in a sari or dressed as a woman, refer to her as she - not he, not it. Did you know they have to go through 3 years of psychological consultation and evaluation to be able to get permission to have the operation? Do you know they save a lot of their own hard earned money just to be able to have that operation? I'm sure you cannot imagine the pain of being trapped somewhere (in their case in a mans' body) when all you want to do is get out. I can fully understand them, I've been through that and it's not a fun feeling - you feel as if you're trapped in the tiniest jail cell, its walls are constantly drawing closer to you, you cannot breathe, you're choking, suffocating, screaming and yet all people around you do is laugh, instead of lending you a hand.

They are often abandoned by their families, shunned and mocked by society, raped, disrespected and considered unworthy of love. They are ridiculed for being true to themselves - here's my question, how many of us actually have the guts to see who we truly are, be who we want to be and not care about how difficult life will be and how much pain it will cause one mentally, emotionally and physically? We are conditioned by society and so if something or someone is different to societys' warped concept of normal, they are termed weird, crazy, mentally ill, f*cked up etc. Why do we fear individuality? Why do we fear things and people that are different? A lot of this can also be linked to procreation and Lord Brahma. I won't delve deeper into this, but reading and understanding Hindu Mythology and Indian history during the Mughal Empire will explain a lot and prove that all of this is and has been a part of our 'culture'.

These ladies were so polite, respectful, fluent in English, well educated and knowledgable about current affairs and laws. Despite everything they have gone through and still go through, they stood tall, smiled constantly and cracked us up as they spoke. They want to be accepted but aren't because of irrational fears, preconceived notions that are all man made. Sure, there are a few rotten apples, but don't we all have them in every community, in every family? That doesn't mean we judge them for it. And who the hell are we to judge anyway? What gives us the right? Our own self-made, self-superiority complexes?? I'll be honest, I don't like it when they touch me and threaten to curse me if I don't give them money, but then again how are they supposed to feed themselves, get medication etc? Who looks after them except their community? We give beggars, old and handicapped people money, but nothing to them because they are a nuisance. Why this discrimination? How often have you said/heard 'Oh shit, quickly roll up the windows, the Hijras are coming. We'll be safe behind the glass and if we turn up the music we won't hear their curses..' I'd just like to say, I've also met many Hijras that I've not paid, only spoken to nicely or smiled at and they've left me with a blessing. One of them even paid for my friends rickshaw fare when she fell short of cash.

It takes guts to commit to being a member of the Hijra family. Don't just think of the physical part. That's being narrow minded. Look at the commitment to a lifetime filled with hardship, discrimination, hate and injustice and still rising above it all, standing tall with a big heart and open smile. They have seen more life than most of us. They are souls of awareness. They have nothing more to lose and in that, they have their freedom and happiness. Something all of us crave, hardly any will achieve.

It was time to leave; we clicked pictures, got blessed by the Guru Ma and as they walked us out till the rickshaws, all I felt was an overwhelming sense of inspiration and strength. We were meant to make theirs a Happy Diwali, instead they showered us with immense love and happiness, leaving us with good, positive and motivating energy.

We headed towards an 85 year old ladys' home next. Dipesh met her at his doctor. He's been helping her out whenever possible, bringing her clean sheets, sorting out her meals, her walking stick, cable connection etc. She's lonely, has no one to talk to, no family or friends left, her daughters have abandoned her and therefore is left with hurt, anger and her memories of a painful past. We picked up some juice, chocolate and oats for her.

Vatsala spoke in Marathi. Each time she spoke of her past we changed the topic, made up stories, each of us told her what we do for a living. She told Sapna to cut her hair the next time and made me sing for her. I knew just one Marathi song... just 2 lines of it. Everyone encouraged me to go for it regardless. Her face lit up and she sang with me. And then we sang it again, this time everyone joined in. She ate chocolate, drank juice which she refused to do before. She told us it felt nice to have us here, that when she's alone she only has memories, having Krishna (the only God she has ever believed in and calls Dipesh that) and his friends around keeps her mind occupied. When we walked in, she spoke of how much she wanted to die. As we left, she asked when we were coming back and where we could go to the next time, so she has a change of scene.

I couldn't get myself to write about this yesterday because it was so heavy, there was so much to just take in and absorb... I'm still reeling. Moments like these, days like these put life and my 'issues' into perspective. I have so much to be grateful for, how can I have the audacity to be sad, upset, crib and whine about my life?

We are all human beings at the end of the day. Not Hindu, Not Muslim, Not Jew, Not Christian, Not Hijra, Not Gay, Not Lesbian, Not Indian, Not Pakistani, Not Rich, Not Poor. None of these stupid religious and political divisions!!!! We are all one. We are all love. We are all from the same Source! We will all be reduced to ash and bones.

I leave you with something Gauri said that just hit me, touched me and will forever stay in my heart. She said it in Hindi, but I'll translate it into English. 'No matter how high up and successfully the kite may be flying in the air, fact is the thread and it's reel are always on the ground, right? And that's where it should stay, for we all know what happens to the kite once that thread gets cut. And that is life... you never know when the thread may get cut.'

Happy Diwali everyone... Stay enlightened and spread the light.

Holy Surprises!

As I walked up and down the narrow streets I knew so well, I found it comforting that not much seemed to have changed. I could describe Pushkar in one word - beautiful, but a whole bunch of words even, would not be able to describe the kind of calm and release it brings to my soul. I made my way down to one of the many Ghats. I walked along the lake and sat on the steps a little distance away from a Sadhu who seemed to be oblivious to the world around him.

I took in deep, long breaths; sat and sat and sat... I started to think about how this trip to Rajasthan worked out, how everything had been falling into place - almost like it was something that had been pre planned - destined. I slipped in and out of my past: how much I have been through in my life, how I've managed to survive these past few years especially. I was amazed and almost proud of my own strength. Sure I've broken down, bawled for days on end, whined even to a few close friends who sat patiently and listened, prayed to a God or anybody out there. I thought of the people that today are in my heart, of how much I have to be grateful for despite everything. Thoughts then shifted to the future: what I am doing with my life, what is left for me to do, how am I going to support myself, what do I truly want out of life, will I ever have a family of my own, will I be a workaholic... I had no answers.

I decided to go to the Brahma Temple. It's the only one in the world. Walking there I got stopped by 2 women - sisters with a sweet little baby boy Ronak. He was all smiles and just reached out for me. I took him into my arms and he held my cheek, looking at me. He was adorable and I was in love. This little child was so at home with me, you'd never think this was the first time we met. Some twenty minutes later, his mom had to leave. He held on to my finger super tight, which he only let go off once I handed him my chocolate. I clicked a picture of them and carried on towards the Brahma Temple.

Tons of little shops before the Temple sell you baskets of offerings, you can chose if you want to spend Rs.50 or Rs.100 on them. I told the guy to give me one for Rs.100. I was also told I had to leave my slippers and bags with them in one of their wooden boxes with locks. So I did, armed with a key and my basket of offerings I walked up the stairs, amidst tons of people that seemed to have come out of nowhere.

There was a long horizontal queue (as is the norm in India). The priest looked like a slightly irritable robot, mechanically taking baskets of offerings, sorting out what stayed by the idol and did it at the speed of light. I had time to observe him since everyone just kept on butting in and breaking the 'queue'. Never did he stop - not to wipe the sweat off his forehead, nor to look up at anyone, let alone speak to anyone. My turn finally came and he took my basket exactly like did with everyone else, except whilst handing it back, he stopped. He held it in his hand, looked at me and told me somethings. I was taken aback because 1. he spoke 2. the nature of the things he said. We had an exchange of dialogue as I didn't quite understand what I was meant to do with the instructions he gave me. Despite people pushing and shoving their offerings towards him, I felt and heard nothing... it was almost as if time had stopped and it was just him and me there. He finally said to me 'I had to give you this message is all I know, how you want to interpret it and what you do with it is not my problem, I've done what I was meant to, now you do whatever you want to'. With that he shoved my basket back into my hands, head down again and was back in robot mode. I was still in shock and kept looking at him to see if he did this with anyone else. He didn't. I later asked a friend who is a local and she too was most surprised saying in all her years, she's never seen him speak to anyone, never to her either.

I headed back to the Ghats. I saw a staircase - very dirty, broken that looked like it hadn't been used in years. No one seemed to be going up there. But something inside me kept gnawing at me to climb. To my surprise, it was a beautiful marble Temple - protected by the Government of India. As children next door were reciting shlokas and chanting I thought to myself - why can't they maintain anything in this country, especially something that is protected? It's so pretty, has such a serene & positive vibe, it's a shame people don't even know of this spot. But then, on second thought it's probably better this way, tucked away and still stays serenely sacred.

My friends' cousin called. She had arrived and was driving to Pushkar to meet me, have dinner with me and then take me back to her home in Ajmer. She asked me to meet her at one of Pushkars' sweetest spots - Sunset Cafe. We met, hit it off instantly and after enjoying one of the most beautiful sunsets of my life, walked the streets of Pushkar by night. She got me to taste my first malpuas (great for my palette, a catastrophe for my thighs). She then told me she had a surprise for me, said it was from my past but refused to tell me anymore.

Soon we were following a car, driving through some bumpy narrow roads in darkness broken by the cars' headlights. We got into a very pretty resort and from the car ahead of us, emerged a friend I hadn't seen or met in 17 years!! I couldn't believe it! It just so happened that he called her to ask what she was upto in the evening and she said she was looking after a friend of her cousin (who was also a part of the same group 17 years ago). She mentioned Ramona, he put two and two together and told her not to say a word, he'd surprise me. And boy did he! It turned out to be such an amazing dinner, we laughed, reminisced, reminded each other of stories, moments, people, caught up on who's doing what in life now...

I love it when life brings positive unexpected surprises my way. As my head touched the pillow that night, all I could feel was gratitude throbbing through every single vein in me. So much gratitude for this day, for this trip, for these people... I came to Pushkar alone, I left with 2 friends - one old, one new.

Now you know why I call Pushkar my magic place... OM!!! :)

The Vishnu Temple

Sugar, grains, coconuts....

Sadhu on the steps

The sweet ladies and the adorable Ronak with the 5 star bar in his hand.

Har Har Mahadev.

Beautiful Protected Heritage Temple I accidentally stumbled upon.

Be.

Meditate.

Contemplate.

The view from Sunset Cafe...

Magic...

Om Bhur Bhuva Svaha, Tat Savitur Varenyam, Bhargo Devasya Dhee Mahi, Dheyo Yona Prachodayat.

Gotta love Kikasso

Colorful women in pardah shopping for jewelry

The Maker...

His Mmmmm Creation... Fresh hot sugary Malpuas

Venturing into Holy Territory...

The very gracious and kind Deogarh family made sure I reached my next destination safe and sound. I was to stay at the home of an aunt & cousin of an old friend I'd recently reconnected with. Entering the town, it didn't really impress me much. I don't know what I was expecting anyway, but I was expecting it to be something else.

The home was lovely and quaint, three happy dogs that were only too eager to make sure I was covered in their fur and drool and my friends aunt, a most gracious host who made sure I ate and ate. Her daughter, my friends' cousin was to arrive the next day. The day I had planned to go to one of my most favourite places in India... probably even on earth.

I decided to take the local bus from Ajmer to Pushkar. One of the best decisions so far. I kept trying to figure out where the bus stop was - seems you just stand on the side of the main road and wave buses down as they pass by. Had I not met 4 very sweet men, I'd have waited in the hot desert sun, waving down lots of buses for a good 45 minutes.

There was a shop keeper, a security guard and a friend of theirs casually seated outside the shop. I asked them which bus would take this married-to-a-Jaipur-Rajput-thus-not-a-firang-thus-Hindi-speaking-one-year-old-mother to Pushkar. They told me there was no fixed time but it should come soon. They were so kind, told me to stand in the shade, offered me the one chair they had to sit on. I thanked them and declined politely. There was a handicapped man sitting in his wheelchair near by too. He also smiled and joined in trying to help me with stopping the right bus. I guess it became a game for them all too. Guessing when it would actually come. They told me how much the ticket would cost me, how long the journey would take and how the transport system in Ajmer works. The bus finally arrived but stopped 500 metres away. They told me to run - 'bhaago bhaago'! I sprinted to it, right in front of it so the driver would see someone running like a maniac and hopefully wait. As luck would have it he did.

I jumped in and made my way in. The conductor was... well lets say a full 'hero'. Sunglasses, shirt buttons open, wild hair and when he saw me asked me in English 'where you want go?' I replied 'Pushkar' and then in Hindi confirmed that the ticket costs sixteen rupees. He pulled his sunglasses down on his nose with one finger and looks at me and rather disappointed, says in English 'You speak Hindi?' I said yes happily. He gave me my change and ticket, told me to sit down.

What an interesting and lovely ride. I had a poor, old man in a beautiful turban sitting across from me. He wanted to communicate with me but he didn't speak Hindi. So with facial expressions and hand gestures, he figured out I was going to Pushkar, not for the first time, that I love it and that he was getting off before it as he lived there. Everyone on the bus was smiling, courteous and didn't bother me.

As we almost reached Pushkar, all the familiar sights brought back a rush of memories. I knew this place, I knew its streets, I knew its peace. What I didn't know was that it held 2 surprises for me...

The Handicapped Man and a family also awaiting a bus

The security guard, friend and shop keeper looking out for my bus

The sweet turbaned man with whom I played charades on the bus to communicate

Ajmer and Ajmer lake in the distance as we start the climb to Pushkar

The second I see this, I know I've reached bliss...

Udaipur... An Awakening

I awoke happily, had a light breakfast and made my way towards Gangaur Ghat Road. I walked through the narrow and rather empty alleys and winding streets, admiring the little old buildings, shops and carts.

I was rather surprised at how friendly the locals were. Everyone smiled and said 'hello, how are you?'. People on bikes would wave, even rickshaw drivers passing by would smile and wave. I'm used to being thought of as a foreigner in India but this was different. None of them actually bothered me, followed me or pestered me to buy anything. There was no ulterior motive. They were just happy and being friendly. It suddenly occurred to me, perhaps I was jaded, that this was the warm and friendly India people speak of. The smiles that touch your heart. And that this is the essence of my India. It's too damn bad a few rotten apples have taken advantage of this good natured kindness of the general public bringing this beautiful and rich country to ruin, poverty and shame. Anyway, I decided to enjoy it, so I took full advantage of it, smiled, waved back and said hi!

I stopped at a street shop to buy me some water and chocolate. The shop keeper and a few old men sitting around were surprised to hear me speak in Hindi. They were fascinated, wanted to know where I was from and why I chose to learn Hindi. And they made their best efforts to ask me all of this in English. They refused to believe I was Indian, telling them I was from Mumbai didn't convince them either. Some ten minutes later, I blurted out a lie. I told them I was from Mumbai but then married a man in Jaipur, where we've been living for years. That seemed agreeable to them, they now understood why I speak Hindi. I smiled at the simplicity of it. Little did I know, I'd be using this little lie of convenience through out my trip - even answering the whereabouts of my husband at this moment, if he misses me, if he didn't have a problem with me traveling for a weekend without him, our children etc. This fantasy world of Rajasthan just stepped up a notch - and how!!!

After bidding them adieu, a few metres down, I saw this very pretty white kurta. I'd been looking for one so I walked into the little shop. The shop keeper turned out to be a sweet, chatty chap who is a devout Sai Baba follower and tells me of his excitement to make his 15th odd trip to Shirdi. I bought the kurta and a bangle, wished him well with an 'Om Sai Ram'. Delighted, he wished me a good trip and he pointed me in the direction of the Jagdish Temple.

Ah the Jagdish Temple. I walked in through the side entrance, was amazed at the carved structure, as I bowed down and prayed to the mini shrines on the four corners of the complex. I wanted to enter the main Temple but thought it best to check if women were allowed lest I offend anyone. The watchman told me (in broken English again) that I'm free to enter. The moment that followed, made Udaipur truly magical for me.

She stood there looking at me, skinny with a big smile, all of 7 years, wanting to take me in herself. Her name was Manisha. I introduced myself and she looked at my camera. I clicked a picture of us and showed it to her. She was so tickled! She held my hand and took me into the temple. Made me sit below a picture of Shiva and Parvati. There was a satsang going on, I felt blessed to be a part of it. Manisha went and got 2 sets of bells for us to contribute to the hymns. She said so much, I didn't understand everything. She fascinated me, amused me... I just wanted to hold her in my arms and hug her. And then, I burst into tears. I felt such a rush of love and care for her. I feared for her, wondered if she was safe, what her life is like, what her future would be like. Would she have opportunities? Would she get an education? How long before she'd be married off? Would she have the chance to bloom and blossom? I prayed hard to God to protect her, keep her spirit alive and happy, to never let the sparkle in her eyes fade. She looked at me. I didn't want her to see me crying. I opened my bag, took out my chocolate and gave it to her. I took out some money and made a donation from her and me. I smiled and said good bye.

I walked down the stairs of the main entrance to the Temple, made my way to the spectacular City Palace (again so impeccably maintained with a great audio guide and very helpful and friendly staff). From there I proceeded to Machla Magra, on top which is Sunset Point and the Karni Mata Temple. You can reach the top by cable car, known as 'Ropeway'. It's a gorgeous spot with a breathtaking view over the entire city of Udaipur. A perfect sunset to bring a fabulous day to an end.

As I went to bed that night, I thought of Manisha. Where she was sleeping, what she ate for dinner, how I could protect her, how I could help her and then I thought of all the countless number of children in this country, just like her. And I wanted to scream at my government, lash out at them for not doing their duty and serving our land and its countrymen. Population control and education are essential requirements that go hand in hand for any sort of progress. The day every Indian person stops accepting things as 'destiny', 'fate', 'bad luck', 'Gods'will' and starts to use basic logic to question, is the day things will change and the 'mighty' will fall. And they know that. The powerful Taliban knew that too, why else would they feel so threatened by a little girl?

Will things ever change? I don't know, no one does for sure. But I've realized that is not the question. The question is, can I make a change? How can I, in my capacity, make a difference? What can I do to help people? My search for the answer thus begins...