On The Road With Ramona: miracles

Showing posts with label miracles. Show all posts

😝The Calling...

I awoke with a heart beating with a combination of excitement and nervousness. Today was the day I would do something I have been wanting to do for a while. Today was the day I would strike another thing off my bucket list. Today was the day I was going to do the only thing I had planned to do on this trip to Rajasthan. Today was the day of my calling.

They say (and I quote the Qawwali sung right there at this magical site), 'Man ki Muraad paate hai Khawaja ke sheher mein. Taqdeer wale aate hain Khawaja ke Sheher mein. Irade roz bante hain aur ban ke toot jaate hain. Wohi Ajmer aate hain, jinhe Kawaja bulaate hain. Mujhe aapne bulaya Khawaja, yeh karam nahin toh kya hain...'
(Roughly translated: Wishes are granted in the city of Khawaja. Those that are lucky/destined to, come to the city of Khawaja. Intented promises are made daily and broken after they are made. Only those that are summoned by Khawaja, come to Ajmer. You have beckoned me Khawaja, what is this if not fate..)

And this city of Khawaja, is called Ajmer. Today, I was going to the Ajmer Sharif Dargah. As most people believe, no matter how badly you want to go there, how hard you try or how long you have waited to go there; until you get a 'bulawa' (calling from Khawaja Sahib or the Holy Forces that be) - you will just not be able to go there. He calls you when the time for you to visit is right.

Now I'm far from religious or superstitious, but this I do believe, as I have experienced it myself many times. The timing of Islam re-entering my life, sufism making a sudden entry into my life through magical ways, this entire spontaneous trip, friends I hadn't had contact with in a while, popping out of nowhere, offering me help with places to stay, people to connect with, people taking to me as if they've known me forever, strangers throughout being so loving, helpful and kind to me - no matter how rich or poor, Ajmer being en route from my 'accidental' Udaipur detour to Jaipur etc etc was nothing short of miraculous.

Everything just fit and kept falling into place too perfectly - like the pieces of an intricate jigsaw puzzle that I was only just beginning to have a tiny glimpse of! It really felt like all the forces of the Universe collected to bring me here, at this time, on this day. So I accept that I am a child of the Universe, open to spirituality, open to the belief that certain things cannot be explained, but I will not give into the trappings of religious musts and must-nots, because those are all man made to instill fear in the hearts of men and not allow any place for logic or intelligence.

My now dear friend Jay, set it all up. Right after breakfast, a rickshaw picked us up. Our approach to the Ajmer Sharif Dargah left me amazed and amused- the streets are so narrow, I was unable to fathom how they were used as 2 way streets. The rickshaw stopped at a certain point and we had to get out and walk. The streets were SO crowded, it was crazy!!! In my mind, I had imagined this to be a very quiet, remote place in the middle of nowhere - much to my surprise, it turned out to be the exact opposite!

We walked amongst what looked like thousands of people and met our Khadim. We picked up baskets of offerings and my journey to my 'Bulawa' thus began. He took us in, guided us around the place, told us what to do and I even got my own special time to sit and do dua and say special prayers for a whole list of people. I had actually spent the past couple of days writing down names of people in my diary and ended up with 4 long pages of names to read out. Some that knew I was there asked me to do dua for them, but most people didn't know where I was and that I did dua for them too. I also said a little prayer for everyone in the world, known and unknown to me; I asked for forgiveness for the times I may have hurt any form creation, in this lifetime or past, intentionally or unintentionally. And above all else, I forgave myself. For the numerous times I actually caused my own self pain.

Forgive me for not adding more details about the magic of this place, what I did there and the unexpected miracle I experienced after, as I believe that is something deeply personal between Khawaja Sahib and me. That is also why I am not attaching many photos to this blog.

But I shall end with dua for you all and express my gratitude to each one of you that follows me, supports me and reads my blogs:
'May He shower his choicest blessings upon you, may your life be filled with endless love and peace. May you have good health and share your happiness with the lives you touch - be it for a fleeting moment or a lifetime.'

The approach to the Ajmer Sharif Dargah.

My dearest Jay and me...

Holy Surprises!

As I walked up and down the narrow streets I knew so well, I found it comforting that not much seemed to have changed. I could describe Pushkar in one word - beautiful, but a whole bunch of words even, would not be able to describe the kind of calm and release it brings to my soul. I made my way down to one of the many Ghats. I walked along the lake and sat on the steps a little distance away from a Sadhu who seemed to be oblivious to the world around him.

I took in deep, long breaths; sat and sat and sat... I started to think about how this trip to Rajasthan worked out, how everything had been falling into place - almost like it was something that had been pre planned - destined. I slipped in and out of my past: how much I have been through in my life, how I've managed to survive these past few years especially. I was amazed and almost proud of my own strength. Sure I've broken down, bawled for days on end, whined even to a few close friends who sat patiently and listened, prayed to a God or anybody out there. I thought of the people that today are in my heart, of how much I have to be grateful for despite everything. Thoughts then shifted to the future: what I am doing with my life, what is left for me to do, how am I going to support myself, what do I truly want out of life, will I ever have a family of my own, will I be a workaholic... I had no answers.

I decided to go to the Brahma Temple. It's the only one in the world. Walking there I got stopped by 2 women - sisters with a sweet little baby boy Ronak. He was all smiles and just reached out for me. I took him into my arms and he held my cheek, looking at me. He was adorable and I was in love. This little child was so at home with me, you'd never think this was the first time we met. Some twenty minutes later, his mom had to leave. He held on to my finger super tight, which he only let go off once I handed him my chocolate. I clicked a picture of them and carried on towards the Brahma Temple.

Tons of little shops before the Temple sell you baskets of offerings, you can chose if you want to spend Rs.50 or Rs.100 on them. I told the guy to give me one for Rs.100. I was also told I had to leave my slippers and bags with them in one of their wooden boxes with locks. So I did, armed with a key and my basket of offerings I walked up the stairs, amidst tons of people that seemed to have come out of nowhere.

There was a long horizontal queue (as is the norm in India). The priest looked like a slightly irritable robot, mechanically taking baskets of offerings, sorting out what stayed by the idol and did it at the speed of light. I had time to observe him since everyone just kept on butting in and breaking the 'queue'. Never did he stop - not to wipe the sweat off his forehead, nor to look up at anyone, let alone speak to anyone. My turn finally came and he took my basket exactly like did with everyone else, except whilst handing it back, he stopped. He held it in his hand, looked at me and told me somethings. I was taken aback because 1. he spoke 2. the nature of the things he said. We had an exchange of dialogue as I didn't quite understand what I was meant to do with the instructions he gave me. Despite people pushing and shoving their offerings towards him, I felt and heard nothing... it was almost as if time had stopped and it was just him and me there. He finally said to me 'I had to give you this message is all I know, how you want to interpret it and what you do with it is not my problem, I've done what I was meant to, now you do whatever you want to'. With that he shoved my basket back into my hands, head down again and was back in robot mode. I was still in shock and kept looking at him to see if he did this with anyone else. He didn't. I later asked a friend who is a local and she too was most surprised saying in all her years, she's never seen him speak to anyone, never to her either.

I headed back to the Ghats. I saw a staircase - very dirty, broken that looked like it hadn't been used in years. No one seemed to be going up there. But something inside me kept gnawing at me to climb. To my surprise, it was a beautiful marble Temple - protected by the Government of India. As children next door were reciting shlokas and chanting I thought to myself - why can't they maintain anything in this country, especially something that is protected? It's so pretty, has such a serene & positive vibe, it's a shame people don't even know of this spot. But then, on second thought it's probably better this way, tucked away and still stays serenely sacred.

My friends' cousin called. She had arrived and was driving to Pushkar to meet me, have dinner with me and then take me back to her home in Ajmer. She asked me to meet her at one of Pushkars' sweetest spots - Sunset Cafe. We met, hit it off instantly and after enjoying one of the most beautiful sunsets of my life, walked the streets of Pushkar by night. She got me to taste my first malpuas (great for my palette, a catastrophe for my thighs). She then told me she had a surprise for me, said it was from my past but refused to tell me anymore.

Soon we were following a car, driving through some bumpy narrow roads in darkness broken by the cars' headlights. We got into a very pretty resort and from the car ahead of us, emerged a friend I hadn't seen or met in 17 years!! I couldn't believe it! It just so happened that he called her to ask what she was upto in the evening and she said she was looking after a friend of her cousin (who was also a part of the same group 17 years ago). She mentioned Ramona, he put two and two together and told her not to say a word, he'd surprise me. And boy did he! It turned out to be such an amazing dinner, we laughed, reminisced, reminded each other of stories, moments, people, caught up on who's doing what in life now...

I love it when life brings positive unexpected surprises my way. As my head touched the pillow that night, all I could feel was gratitude throbbing through every single vein in me. So much gratitude for this day, for this trip, for these people... I came to Pushkar alone, I left with 2 friends - one old, one new.

Now you know why I call Pushkar my magic place... OM!!! :)

The Vishnu Temple

Sugar, grains, coconuts....

Sadhu on the steps

The sweet ladies and the adorable Ronak with the 5 star bar in his hand.

Har Har Mahadev.

Beautiful Protected Heritage Temple I accidentally stumbled upon.

Be.

Meditate.

Contemplate.

The view from Sunset Cafe...

Magic...

Om Bhur Bhuva Svaha, Tat Savitur Varenyam, Bhargo Devasya Dhee Mahi, Dheyo Yona Prachodayat.

Gotta love Kikasso

Colorful women in pardah shopping for jewelry

The Maker...

His Mmmmm Creation... Fresh hot sugary Malpuas

Venturing into Holy Territory...

The very gracious and kind Deogarh family made sure I reached my next destination safe and sound. I was to stay at the home of an aunt & cousin of an old friend I'd recently reconnected with. Entering the town, it didn't really impress me much. I don't know what I was expecting anyway, but I was expecting it to be something else.

The home was lovely and quaint, three happy dogs that were only too eager to make sure I was covered in their fur and drool and my friends aunt, a most gracious host who made sure I ate and ate. Her daughter, my friends' cousin was to arrive the next day. The day I had planned to go to one of my most favourite places in India... probably even on earth.

I decided to take the local bus from Ajmer to Pushkar. One of the best decisions so far. I kept trying to figure out where the bus stop was - seems you just stand on the side of the main road and wave buses down as they pass by. Had I not met 4 very sweet men, I'd have waited in the hot desert sun, waving down lots of buses for a good 45 minutes.

There was a shop keeper, a security guard and a friend of theirs casually seated outside the shop. I asked them which bus would take this married-to-a-Jaipur-Rajput-thus-not-a-firang-thus-Hindi-speaking-one-year-old-mother to Pushkar. They told me there was no fixed time but it should come soon. They were so kind, told me to stand in the shade, offered me the one chair they had to sit on. I thanked them and declined politely. There was a handicapped man sitting in his wheelchair near by too. He also smiled and joined in trying to help me with stopping the right bus. I guess it became a game for them all too. Guessing when it would actually come. They told me how much the ticket would cost me, how long the journey would take and how the transport system in Ajmer works. The bus finally arrived but stopped 500 metres away. They told me to run - 'bhaago bhaago'! I sprinted to it, right in front of it so the driver would see someone running like a maniac and hopefully wait. As luck would have it he did.

I jumped in and made my way in. The conductor was... well lets say a full 'hero'. Sunglasses, shirt buttons open, wild hair and when he saw me asked me in English 'where you want go?' I replied 'Pushkar' and then in Hindi confirmed that the ticket costs sixteen rupees. He pulled his sunglasses down on his nose with one finger and looks at me and rather disappointed, says in English 'You speak Hindi?' I said yes happily. He gave me my change and ticket, told me to sit down.

What an interesting and lovely ride. I had a poor, old man in a beautiful turban sitting across from me. He wanted to communicate with me but he didn't speak Hindi. So with facial expressions and hand gestures, he figured out I was going to Pushkar, not for the first time, that I love it and that he was getting off before it as he lived there. Everyone on the bus was smiling, courteous and didn't bother me.

As we almost reached Pushkar, all the familiar sights brought back a rush of memories. I knew this place, I knew its streets, I knew its peace. What I didn't know was that it held 2 surprises for me...

The Handicapped Man and a family also awaiting a bus

The security guard, friend and shop keeper looking out for my bus

The sweet turbaned man with whom I played charades on the bus to communicate

Ajmer and Ajmer lake in the distance as we start the climb to Pushkar

The second I see this, I know I've reached bliss...

Fort to Palace...

No one bothered me as I walked up, down and around Kumbhalgarh Fort. I felt safe, I felt happy, I had time and literally the whole Fort to myself! Best of all, I was actually in the moment, breathing for each moment. They say when you start enjoying your own company like that, is when you need to start being careful. That's when you can risk crossing the thin red line and become a loner. I don't quite agree though. I think its very important for us to have these moments with ourselves. Doing things or standing up for yourself doesn't make you selfish; spending time and enjoying your own company doesn't mean you will never like spending time with anyone else. Besides, we are all loners to some degree aren't we?

Time to move forward. The highway was beautiful - great roads, no traffic, I wished I was driving a Range Rover or an Audi Q7. It'll come someday - some kind soul will hand me the keys and say 'here you go, a small present for being you'. And I'll say 'What?!? Thanks but no I can't'. And they'll say 'it's already been registered in your name, you deserve it'. And I'll be gobsmacked, we'll go back & forth but eventually I'll accept it. Yay, that day just can't come soon enough, but the day-dreaming comes... to a standstill just like the car I'm in does.

Welcome to Deogarh. One narrow street full of cars, people, bikes, dogs, cows and mini tempos with shops lining either side, leads me to my destination. The most vibrant colors burst around and above me. It instantly brought a smile to my face. As I observed all of this and more, we started moving towards the ever so magnificent Deogarh Mahal.

A kind friend & music producer Raajeev Sharma suggested I go stay there and meet with his friends, the Deogarhs. It was a great recommendation. A perfect place to relax. I was given a suite which had the oldest paintings (left untouched) in the whole Palace. The whole Palace (despite being so huge) has such an ease about it, it made me feel right at home. I loved that the chef decided what I should eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner - keeping all my likes/dislikes in mind. He would run it past me daily and I was more than happy to just say yes - saved me the effort of going through a menu and making a decision. One less thing to think about. And this time, as I looked out of my balcony at the hills on the horizon, way beyond the borders of this town, I felt like a different kind of Princess - one that was more comfortable with the idea of this being her Royal 'home' rather than a Princess that was overwhelmed and excited by opulance, grandeur & sparkles. This Palace just had a special, loving, quaint, homely aura about it.

I was very well looked after by the Deogarhs. I was shown around the Palace, met with the very sweet and lovely Queen Mother and thoroughly entertained by the wit, jokes and deep, magical conversations we all had with each other. Shatrunjai, Bhavnakumari and the kids took me around and beyond Deogarh, showed me different parts of it, explained a lot about its history, the people, wildlife and even took me to a very, very special spot - for which I shall be eternally grateful. They were so warm, hospitable and took such great care of me, I felt like a part of their family, like we'd been friends for years.

The landscape around was just so bare. A few rocks, cactii, shrubs & trees. It literally had nothing else. Yet I was nothing short of mesmerised. There was a beauty in it that I couldn't put my finger on. It had such a magnetic pull, I was deeply attracted to it. And all I could think of was shedding. Shedding and letting go. Releasing. Being as bare & barren as this desert, this landscape. Stripping down to the basics, the essence. If people want to be around me, they will - I will not run after them. I will release them with gratitude, love and peace. I will not run after work. I will not run after all the things I think I want. I will do everything within my capacity to make things happen, let people feel loved etc but after that I will let go. What's meant to be will be, there is only so much I can do. Accepting that, was a release in itself.

So, I let go... of everything. I shed all that was unnecessary, all that was not beneficial or of any use to me - feelings, thoughts & emotions like guilt, fear etc. it was a conscious decision and quite a struggle. But I did it. And instantly, I felt much lighter. I was just being. And breathing. And being. And breathing.

Deogarh turned out to be a very spiritual experience for me on many levels. Special conversations, special energies in very special spots and I was like the driest sponge soaking it all in to the very depths of my being. This was a true blessing. And the start of a blessed journey...

The single lane with 2 way traffic, mini tempos, bikes, shops, colors...

...people, cows, bicycles leave you fascinated!!

The Grand Entrance

My Suite

My bedroom which has the oldest paintings in the Palace, that have been left untouched. So much history, gives you a special warm feeling. This picture really doesn't do it justice...

Loved how high my bathroom ceiling was!

The mirror room most Palaces have. Don't I just fit in and look like I was born to play the part of a Princess?? ;)

Lounge Area of the Presidential Suite

The main entrance to the Palace, Restaurant and Rooms

A very special Banyan Tree...

Om Namah Shivay! This Trishul has quite an interesting story behind it.

Do you see him???

The Royal Burial Ground.

Where I am standing is actually a dry lake. I'm told its now full. The line on the rock beside my face is where the water usually fills up till.

With the wonderful & caring Deogarh family.

A most stunning sunset

There was such beauty in the barren landscape...

Blue cow!! Neel Guy - I spotted him and barely had time to click him properly!

The view from the Palace terrace

One of its many beautiful 'onion' domes

Moving Forth...

It wouldn't be fair to say I was done with Jaipur... far from it. There were still a million things to see, more people to meet and many experiences to embrace. But the time had come for me to leave this magical spot and see what else lay ahead, what mystical Rajasthan had in store for me.

A big and rather silly mistake I made was assuming Udaipur was Jodhpur. I know. It's most embarrassing. I'd always wanted to visit the Blue City, instead booked my journey to Udaipur. Not that I'm complaining. The lake city is gorgeous, I've even met the Maharaja at his Palace and had the privilege of staying in some of its most spectacular 5 star hotels previously.

As I reached Udaipur, I was greeted with a rather exciting message. To my surprise, a friend I had just gotten to know in Jaipur through another friend, had very graciously organised a stay for me at the beautiful Chunda Palace Hotel in Udaipur. What an absolutely stunning place! I wanted to know what it must have felt like living in the palaces of Rajasthan in their peak of their splendor and glory, with colors, paintings, murals, luxury all around... so I was granted exactly that. I was now a Rajput Princess - Ramona Singh Baisa.

I decided to make the most of it and stay in. Thankfully it started to rain so my motivation to venture out fizzled away instantly. I lay in bed, soaked in the huge tub, breathed deep, meditated, ordered room service and after years, felt like sketching again - so I did. What a super feeling. And what felt even better was the fact that my phone did not stop buzzing, beeping and ringing from 8am until 1am. Every person in the world I could and couldn't think of called me, messaged me or emailed me. I was missed. I felt so loved and appreciated.

That is without a doubt, one of the best things about life. To love and be loved. We tend to take it for granted when we have it everyday - be it kids, parents, partners, lovers, friends, pets. But when it comes out of nowhere and you know that it is pure without any hidden agenda, it makes you feel so blessed and so grateful. And that is how I felt at every stage of this trip, thanks to so many people I met, so many new families I got to become a part of and so many people that resurfaced after years, out of the blue.

I genuinely do believe I am the worlds' biggest sucker for love. And that used to hurt me a lot earlier. I saw it as a weakness - that I would do anything in the world for the person I loved, give everything up at the blink of an eye. But I have now realized, love truly is all there is... it is my strength, it is who I am, the essence of my being and it is all that matters. And that love should be all encompassing, not just limited to my lovers. Love for my self, my passions, my friends... the list in endless. One of my closest friends once said something to me, that has never left me. Anytime I even begin to feel low, I remember this and I stand tall again.

He said, 'if you truly love someone, then loving them should be enough. Your joy is in giving them love. So love for loves sake. Don't love them with an expectation or hope they will return the love you are giving them. 'You' are giving. They didn't ask you to. So if you're giving it, give it fully, with an open heart. If it comes back to you, acknowledge the blessing and show your gratitude. If not, you are still free to keep giving love, it will come back to you in one way or the other. Look around you - random acts of kindness through strangers, friends that surface when you need someone to have your back, dogs that run up to you and shower you with affection, babies that look at you and smile, music, art... there is so much love all around us, in so many different forms. Yet we stay fixated on that one love and the way in which we expect it to be returned.'

So as I write this blog here today, I just want to say to each and every one of you that I love you. Whether you are known or unknown to me, it doesn't matter. If you took the time to read this blog, thank you. Thank you for your love, support, friendship, kindness and help. And as I write this, I would also like to ask for forgiveness... if I ever hurt or offended anyone (which I'm sure I have, I'm only human), my sincerest, heart felt apologies. To those that hurt me, it's okay. Life goes on, may we do the same and move forth with love and peace.

As I lay in bed, ready to call it a night, a full day ahead awaits me in Udaipur... I can't help but wonder what is in store...