On The Road With Ramona

Hello India,

I write and speak straight from my heart. I am no one, just an ordinary citizen writing to you... my fellow citizens - old, young, rich, poor, Hindu, Musilim, Jew, Brahmin, Dalit whatever... I hope I can touch you and make you believe in everything I feel and believe.

I write this from a purely human and emotional space after going through, seeing and hearing different stories from so many girlfriends of mine about abuse, threats, violence and teasing. It leaves me shocked, numb, upset, angry and in fear. Fear that it could just as easily have been me. So bear with me.

Yes, India has a corrupt government, the police, municipal corporations are understaffed, not motivated and justice - it may come but it'll take at least a decade thanks to the backlog. So yes, India has problems. Big, major, serious problems. But then again, which country doesn't? Who in the world doesn't have problems?

I'm not justifying it or supporting it. Thing is, what are YOU - in your capacity - as a citizen of a country with so many problems doing about these problems? It's easy to feel like your hands are tied. I've felt like that a million times. I often think of how tedious a process it will be to clean and fix things, for some sort of change and order to come about - and I confess I sometimes feel like saying forget it, let me just get the hell out of here so I don't need to deal with this anymore. No one cares, if they want to rot, let them. That maybe its best I just keep living in my own little bubble to have some peace. But then again, I can't. It is my country. If I want a change, I have to be the change. In my own way, in my own capacity. And it will take time.

If we look at the all the negatives and then also balance things out and look at the positives, we will find there are TONS! So many amazing selfless people, giving up their careers to help others, others volunteering and helping. I have been fortunate enough to meet just a handful.

I recently met Sonal from Magic Bus India. What a lovely lady. Once heading Channel V, she's now given up her career to help our children. Her argument is we have the infrastructure in our country, we have laws but no one bothers to know what they are, how we can improve things, what our basic rights are even! In this respect, she has opened my eyes for which I am truly grateful.

Magic Bus has been doing great work - read up on them. See how they are using sports to teach children who do not come from posh backgrounds about gender sensitivity, treating women as equals, manners, politeness, hygiene etc. Its amazing! Read about Mathew Spacie. A foreigner doing SO much wonderful work - again giving up his job for Indias' children, Indias' future, Indias' development as a 'whole society'. If you want to go play football or whatever with kids and brighten their day, see how they are taught about life through sports just go to any one of their 12 centres across India. (http://www.magicbus.org)

Apoorva from No Nasties is another amazing soul. The farmer suicides in Maharashtra bothered him so much, he quit his job and started an organization that makes Tshirts custom made that everyone - you, me, every company can customize prints for. I can personally vouch for the quality, color and feel of these Tshirts. If you can't be activley involved , go buy a Tshirt from them. Sacrifice a coffee with your friends and just do it!! (www.nonasties.in)

There's Muktangan who are trying to change the way children are educated in government schools. Amazing selfless people devoting their time and skills to help children and parents learn and grow. If you sing, play an instrument, paint or have a skill, just go to one of their schools and spend 2 hours there showing it off and inspiring their kids. (http://www.muktanganedu.org/www/)

There a million other stories, people and organisations that are doing a lot of good. But they need to be backed. They need our support.

The biggest problem in our country is education. The lack of it and the way in which it is given. Everyone knows the 2 biggest influences in our country are Bollywood and Cricket.

So when one is in a powerful position to influence others & can make a difference on a larger scale, one HAS to be nothing less than responsible. It is disappointing to see the kind of messages sent out - maybe not directly by them, but via them as at the end of the day, it is their names that are on the project. I'm referring to the outcry about RaginiMMS2 and its official FB page.

I reacted and was most upset when I first saw it too. But I've had time to think about it - I'm guessing being as busy as she is, Ms. Kapoor has a marketing team that has been hired to take care of the content. I'm sure Ms. Kapoor must not be aware of the things being written on the page by her marketing team, because as a woman, a citizen and a human, I refuse to believe that she could allow something like this to be written. Especially at a time where a verdict is the topic of discussion for a horrific sexual crime and the Mahalaxmi gang rape amongst others is still fresh in our minds. Besides, there's no denying she is an intelligent, smart, educated and well brought up person from a good home.

The text, seems to be encouraging men to 'tease her' 'being a little flirty won't hurt' and that 'a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. So, use it'. THAT is what is atrocious! The pictures are fine, lingerie is fine and being sexy, feeling sexy is all great. I have no issues with pornography even.

Theres another pic on www.facebook.com/RanginiMMS2Official that says 'Fear is the new sexy'.

NO!!!!!!! Nothing about fear is sexy! And yes its a horror film and a sexy film but you cannot combine the two to create tag lines like these!!! We know the demographic that is being targeted with these pictures & accompanying texts - they will think its fun and cool to instil fear in a woman - that women want it!! We do NOT!

We do NOT want men to use their dirty minds - hasn't every woman suffered enough for that?

Is it not possible to have tag lines that are separate, instead of trying to use fear and sexy together? For example: 'Sexy has a whole new meaning' for one and 'Get ready to scream' for another etc. I'm not a copy person but you get the gist.

So please Ms. Kapoor, there are countless selfless souls who have given up careers, and lives to put in hours of hard work for education, awareness & gender sensitivity. Without keeping a check on what your team is doing, there is a very serious and horrid message reaching the lesser educated people, endangering the lives and safety of even more women. And with the reach and power of Bollywood, this message just erases all of the hard work and sacrifice these amazing souls have made and keep making.

Change starts with each one of us. You, me, mother, father, brother sister, aunt, uncle, friend, lover, child. Let us all be responsible, a little more alert, a little more attentive to the things we say or do. We live in a land where most people aren't taught, they don't know better and are easily influenced (Eg: Asaram). We can help and as educated citizens of this beautiful land, it is our responsibility to reach out & help each other in the smallest possible way.

Let us all take baby steps... all of us together. For Indias' sake, for our sake. Anything, in any capacity is a start. I have faith and I love my country.

Thank you for reading this, I know it was a loooong one.

R xoxo

12th September 2013, Mumbai.

Holy Surprises!

As I walked up and down the narrow streets I knew so well, I found it comforting that not much seemed to have changed. I could describe Pushkar in one word - beautiful, but a whole bunch of words even, would not be able to describe the kind of calm and release it brings to my soul. I made my way down to one of the many Ghats. I walked along the lake and sat on the steps a little distance away from a Sadhu who seemed to be oblivious to the world around him.

I took in deep, long breaths; sat and sat and sat... I started to think about how this trip to Rajasthan worked out, how everything had been falling into place - almost like it was something that had been pre planned - destined. I slipped in and out of my past: how much I have been through in my life, how I've managed to survive these past few years especially. I was amazed and almost proud of my own strength. Sure I've broken down, bawled for days on end, whined even to a few close friends who sat patiently and listened, prayed to a God or anybody out there. I thought of the people that today are in my heart, of how much I have to be grateful for despite everything. Thoughts then shifted to the future: what I am doing with my life, what is left for me to do, how am I going to support myself, what do I truly want out of life, will I ever have a family of my own, will I be a workaholic... I had no answers.

I decided to go to the Brahma Temple. It's the only one in the world. Walking there I got stopped by 2 women - sisters with a sweet little baby boy Ronak. He was all smiles and just reached out for me. I took him into my arms and he held my cheek, looking at me. He was adorable and I was in love. This little child was so at home with me, you'd never think this was the first time we met. Some twenty minutes later, his mom had to leave. He held on to my finger super tight, which he only let go off once I handed him my chocolate. I clicked a picture of them and carried on towards the Brahma Temple.

Tons of little shops before the Temple sell you baskets of offerings, you can chose if you want to spend Rs.50 or Rs.100 on them. I told the guy to give me one for Rs.100. I was also told I had to leave my slippers and bags with them in one of their wooden boxes with locks. So I did, armed with a key and my basket of offerings I walked up the stairs, amidst tons of people that seemed to have come out of nowhere.

There was a long horizontal queue (as is the norm in India). The priest looked like a slightly irritable robot, mechanically taking baskets of offerings, sorting out what stayed by the idol and did it at the speed of light. I had time to observe him since everyone just kept on butting in and breaking the 'queue'. Never did he stop - not to wipe the sweat off his forehead, nor to look up at anyone, let alone speak to anyone. My turn finally came and he took my basket exactly like did with everyone else, except whilst handing it back, he stopped. He held it in his hand, looked at me and told me somethings. I was taken aback because 1. he spoke 2. the nature of the things he said. We had an exchange of dialogue as I didn't quite understand what I was meant to do with the instructions he gave me. Despite people pushing and shoving their offerings towards him, I felt and heard nothing... it was almost as if time had stopped and it was just him and me there. He finally said to me 'I had to give you this message is all I know, how you want to interpret it and what you do with it is not my problem, I've done what I was meant to, now you do whatever you want to'. With that he shoved my basket back into my hands, head down again and was back in robot mode. I was still in shock and kept looking at him to see if he did this with anyone else. He didn't. I later asked a friend who is a local and she too was most surprised saying in all her years, she's never seen him speak to anyone, never to her either.

I headed back to the Ghats. I saw a staircase - very dirty, broken that looked like it hadn't been used in years. No one seemed to be going up there. But something inside me kept gnawing at me to climb. To my surprise, it was a beautiful marble Temple - protected by the Government of India. As children next door were reciting shlokas and chanting I thought to myself - why can't they maintain anything in this country, especially something that is protected? It's so pretty, has such a serene & positive vibe, it's a shame people don't even know of this spot. But then, on second thought it's probably better this way, tucked away and still stays serenely sacred.

My friends' cousin called. She had arrived and was driving to Pushkar to meet me, have dinner with me and then take me back to her home in Ajmer. She asked me to meet her at one of Pushkars' sweetest spots - Sunset Cafe. We met, hit it off instantly and after enjoying one of the most beautiful sunsets of my life, walked the streets of Pushkar by night. She got me to taste my first malpuas (great for my palette, a catastrophe for my thighs). She then told me she had a surprise for me, said it was from my past but refused to tell me anymore.

Soon we were following a car, driving through some bumpy narrow roads in darkness broken by the cars' headlights. We got into a very pretty resort and from the car ahead of us, emerged a friend I hadn't seen or met in 17 years!! I couldn't believe it! It just so happened that he called her to ask what she was upto in the evening and she said she was looking after a friend of her cousin (who was also a part of the same group 17 years ago). She mentioned Ramona, he put two and two together and told her not to say a word, he'd surprise me. And boy did he! It turned out to be such an amazing dinner, we laughed, reminisced, reminded each other of stories, moments, people, caught up on who's doing what in life now...

I love it when life brings positive unexpected surprises my way. As my head touched the pillow that night, all I could feel was gratitude throbbing through every single vein in me. So much gratitude for this day, for this trip, for these people... I came to Pushkar alone, I left with 2 friends - one old, one new.

Now you know why I call Pushkar my magic place... OM!!! :)